This episode is an introduction to the How We Grow Podcast. There is a meditation on Psalm 1 and a discussion on the importance of growth and development.
Episode 1: How We Grow with Host Luke Harris
[00:00:00] Luke: Hey, it's Luke. And welcome to my podcast. How we grow on the podcast. I want to talk about the power of was to shape and grow our lives. This can be words from a friend or a loved one or scripture, poetry, or a meaningful book. I also want to talk about stories. Even the ones we tell ourselves and the influence they have on our lives.
[00:00:25] To start us off, let's do a listening practice.
[00:00:40] Which involves reading a passage and then two minutes of silence. I want to invite you to get settled in your seat. Maybe take a deep breath. And when you're present, say present during the rating, listen for a word or two or a phrase that resonates with you. There will be a bell to start and end the silence and some white noise in the background.
[00:01:06] Use that time to meditate on the words that are speaking to.
[00:01:11] Luke: So I'm one, bless it. As the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the lore of the Lord and on his law, he meditates day and night, he is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season.
[00:01:35] And whose leaf does not. Whatever he does prospers not. So the wicked, they are like chaff that the wind drives away. Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous for the Lord watches over the way of the righteous. But the way of the wicked will perish.
[00:02:04] Uh, Psalm one has been a meaningful som uh, for me, after hearing a group of men at Angola prison, the Malakai dads recite this arm together, I then decided to commit it to memory. And so it's been, uh, close to me ever since it's a wisdom som that compares two ways to go through life. The way of the righteous and the.
[00:04:39] The righteous is like a thriving tree, deeply rooted, connected to the source, getting everything it needs, taking it in producing fruit and flourishing the wicked. I like chaff blowing in the wind lacking substance and significance this image in this, um, and the person that's meditating on words, um, has been an image for me, uh, about.
[00:05:07] Luke: Now let's jump into personal growth and why? I think it's important. All of us have been created with an innate ability to learn, grow, change, and become all that we were made to be. There are stages in our development where we proliferate and there are times when we get stuck in a rot and that's, um, and it just seems like Groundhog's day as humans, we are constantly checking.
[00:05:36] Who we were a month ago is not who we were today or who we will be in a month from now. I'm sure you've heard the quote. You cannot step into the same river twice. Google tells me the quote is attributed to a Hara Cletus, a Greek philosopher from 2,500 years ago. The qual quote holds true because the river is constantly changing.
[00:06:03] And so is the person that stepped in. I'm biased, but I think Bob Dylan said it best with the line that he not busy being born is busy, dying in his song. It's all right. Uh, I'm only bleeding as a Christ follower change and transformation is at the core of the way of Jesus. It is through Christ. All things were created and in the person of Jesus.
[00:06:32] I love to tell stories. We see the model of transformation in his birth life, death, and resurrection, and because of the hope we have in Christ, the apostle Paul writes in second Corinthians four 16. Therefore we do not lose heart though. Outwardly we are wasting away yet inwardly. We are being renewed day by day.
[00:06:56] Change is happening all the time. How do we direct it in the way we want? Or how do we participate with it instead of fighting against it submitted directions in places you are growing or in things you want to become? Uh, it's impossible to grow, um, in every direction, but we can grow and satisfaction and contentment for the one and only life we've been.
[00:07:22] Luke: So, how do we grow? Well, I believe that growth and development is a team activity. Yes, you can get a self-help book and read about how to become a millionaire all on your own, but it never happens that way. You will always need others. The desire to grow usually comes in an area where you're bumping up against the edge of this.
[00:07:45] You want to be better, but you just can't seem to make progress. It's does up frustration that you may get to the point of self-loving, which is not productive. We need to find the courage to look at ourselves with honesty, but with a heavy dose of compassion growth starts with ourselves first. Even though we may want to grow our revenue or grow the team we lead or help others grow, you need to go first.
[00:08:14] You will not see external signs of growth until you determined to work on yourself. First, the growth process begins with vulnerability. Sharing with someone you trust, where you see yourself falling short. If you're able to ask another person for help in a specific area, you'll be on the road to a deeper friendship and also the desired outcomes that you want to see in your life.
[00:08:42] So what is it that keeps us from. Speaking for myself, the inability to be vulnerable and unwillingness to ask for help is usually the top way that I resist growth. I would much rather, uh, portray that I have it all figured out and don't need help from others and the act of asking for help or asking for what I need makes me needy.
[00:09:07] Luke: And that always feels awkward in coaching others. I've found the coaching question. What do you need to be terrifying for folks? Something about admitting what our heart wants most deeply can make us feel exposed. We may have to commit to what if we announce and what if, what we say we want is something deeply meaningful and it gets met with judgment.
[00:09:33] A lack of acceptance sharing. The desires of our hearts can feel like sharing a secret. It is opening the door of a closed. That can get us found out, but it is also the path to allowing ourselves to be known. One way I resist the growth process is lack of food. I come up with a whole bunch of things and they're all over the place.
[00:09:58] I want to grow sales and I want to be around more around my kids more, and I want to make more friends and I want to be present with my wife and I want to meet new people. Having all these things without deciding on priorities or committing to them is it's still a, cop-out wanting to grow into many directions, Maine.
[00:10:21] I can't grow in any of them. It's electronic, go on a vacation to borrow and buy and Steamboat for Christmas.
[00:10:28] Luke: You have to pick the most sinister way I resist growth is by creating an escape route. Let me tell you how this shows up. Something turns up the heat when the pressure rises and I don't want to stay with it.
[00:10:42] And I just bail out the back door a couple of years ago. I noticed this pattern myself when I was engaged in the season of D. When things got hard, I booked some customer visits and got back on the road. It was a chance to blow some steam and have a break. The easiest way to stunt our growth is not to stay with things long enough to learn the lessons it has to teach us.
[00:11:08] If we continue to reinforce the old patterns or the ways we numb out, we can't break free of. It's a way of being, and we will remain stuck in. So what makes change possible? Uh, think about five years ago from today, where were you, what season were you in? Who were you with? What were you worried about?
[00:11:33] Most of these things are probably entirely different from what you're experiencing, right. The same goes, if you think back a year from today and even just a month ago, a last week, when we narrow a focus, the change doesn't feel as dramatic than may have been a traumatic experience. You had five years ago.
[00:11:54] Hopefully the experience isn't affecting you as powerfully as it once did we don't always see the reality is it is the narrative we attached to our prior experiences can shift. In this way, we can change how we see ourselves and how we show up and certain experiences to illustrate. I was on a coaching call with a girl last week, and we were reflecting on the change.
[00:12:22] She had been experiencing the past. Conflict was with clients, was stopping us from growing a business. It was a certain kind of person who was demanding and are appreciative, triggering prior experiences and programmed, unhealthy reactions that she had when she realized she was the common denominator in all these experiences, she acknowledged that she was the one causing the conflict.
[00:12:51] Once she identified the source of this pattern of behavior. As she could separate the experiences she was having in the present with clients. She had the self-awareness to notice when she was slipping back in a new way and decide if that's what she wanted to do. This awareness allowed her to establish a boundary on the pattern to stop it from reoccurring.
[00:13:15] The change has been significant. She now builds excellent relationships with her clients and she sees herself in a whole new. The powerful thing is she is now confident in her ability to make change. In other areas of the life. There always needs to be a balance between acceptance and growth. Um, knowing you can learn, change and grow can make you want to change everything.
[00:13:41] Luke: This is not the best approach I moved across the country last year, changing everything about my external involvement. And it was a shock to the system. I'm still getting lost, going to the grocery store and get lost in the grocery store, uh, wanting to change everything about yourself. Only leads to dissatisfaction with the.
[00:14:02] All of us have things we don't like about ourselves. It can be how we are short tempered or how we cut people off in conversation or start conflicts with people or be unreliable looking at myself. It didn't take too long to come up with that list. But if we dislike all of ourselves, it's a breeding ground for shame, not growth, having a party.
[00:14:28] Of ourselves that we want to change an area we want to grow, uh, needs to be brought out into the light. And that light is love holding it with grace and compassion. Not content is how to activate the change process.
[00:14:45] Luke: Uh, the writer bell hooks recently passed away. I had only come across her work a couple of weeks before her passing, while participating in a diversity and equity and inclusion workshop in articles honoring her life.
[00:15:00] Uh, there was a definition of love in one of her books, all about love, where she quotes and Scott pack from the road less traveled. Uh here's what, how she defined. Love is the will to extend one's life for the purpose of nurturing ones or another's spiritual growth. Love is as love does love is an act of will namely both an intention and an action will also implies choice.
[00:15:32] We do not have to love. We choose to live. Choosing to love and accept. Every part of ourselves is the path to moving beyond the patterns that trip you up. When we both accept who we are and are determined to be all that we can be, the journey is satisfying and fulfilling.